Stage Fright

   My heart races across velvet floors,

   winning against my black moving body

   as I gracefully traipse these velvet floors

   The footprints of other dancers printing open spaces

   screens of their dreams and desires 

   I savor this opportunity to experience such connectedness

   I look up from the floor, 

   because I recall being told once that there is nothing on the ground for me

   that I should always look up 

   Am I the only on who sees the telling footprints—large and small—

   storytelling on behalf of the silent dancers?

   When I look up, I catch many gazes,

   many eyes peering into me, intruding

   To say I don’t mind would be a lie

   I am shaking, whirling recklessly inside

   Their eyes shake me like shipwreck

   like a troubled shaft sending an elevator this way and that—

   into a chaotic sway, to a symphony of ungrounded-ness 

   And still, I press my footprints into the velvet floors,

   because I, too, have stories to tell—many of them 

   I, too, have stories to tell about a silent dancer I’ve known my whole life

   The eyes sting, and my heart won’t relax

   beating like a chaotic drummer on a whim 

   losing control, inconsiderate of the obedient prop that holds it

   Its aggressive pounding offering me information 

   Am I afraid, or inspired?  

   I think I am both 

   I’ve seen enough of the colorful, velvet floors of marked dreams

   and memories otherwise untold and suppressed 

   So, I remain fearful and brave, scanning the room 

   So many eyes 

   Whatever lies behind these eyes, as they peer into my soul,

   I may never know 

   The unknown in their gazes sending a shiver through my loyal spine,

   but there is beauty in being scared 

   Isn’t this why I am here? 

   To be drank up by the eyes of others, 

   tasted by their curiosity, savored by their wonder

   as their threatening eyes wander me

    This is only the beginning of what their intrusive eyes get to peer into,

    savoring me with their audacious nature 

    This colorful crowd of eyes 

    filled with individuals who are afraid, and inspired, just like me—

    not pieces of a big colorful monster here to eat up my dreams

    until they no longer belong to me—

    Rather inspired eyes who recognize something new 

    We are all here to create a medley of saturated colors

    To push boundaries

    To break bounds 

    I swallow this great big lump down my throat, reminding myself:

    These are not the ones who helped bury you. Be colorful. 

    Dance across these velvet floors

    as if you were cleaning up the vicious

    words of the ones who stole from your awareness of your powers— 

   cooling your color, staggering your dancing feet—

   You are allowed to traipse this place, with grace